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yabaina · 4 years ago

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28/09/20 Hiroko’s cute talk pt.1

This week’s video is the second one in a series of BGM vids (the first being the cicada talk one),which are meant to be used as background noise just to hear Hiromu talking about everything and anything.

I’ve decided to transcribe it in as much detail as I can handle as a challenge, so I’m sorry but this will be quite long and will probably be cut in 2 to 3 parts.

Here are the main things he talked about: body hair, Fortnite, outdoors vs indoors, protein shakes and whether or not he has body goals.

The video starts with Hiromu discussing the success of the cicada talk video with the staff lady (SL) and he says he was surprised by how many people seemed as interested in cicadas as he is. SL tells him that people probably just enjoy hearing about his thought process.

As he’s talking with his hand on his bare leg, he remarks that as a guy he doesn’t have much body hair.

Hiromu: I don’t have much body hair, do I? When I wrestle I usually wear trousers so they’re hidden, seeing my legs is kinda rare isn’t it? Here, look. (that’s when he points his leg at the camera) What do you think? Hey aren’t there a lot of wrestlers who shave/wax?

SL: Is that so?

Hiromu: Wait I said that a bit randomly lol. As I said it i thought “wait, who does?” Aren’t there though? Wrestlers have that image of a smooth, hairless skin right?

SL: I heard that the hair gets rubbed off (?)

H: Aah that, yes for instance when your knees rub against the training mats, the hair does get rubbed off (?), it doesn’t grow anymore. Look my knees are smooth. My fingers too, aren’t there people who grow hair there? I don’t.

SL: I think normally, everyone grows hair there??

H: Ah see, I think I lack male hormones, and I have more feminine hormones.I think that’s why I don’t have much body hair. I don’t know for sure tho.

SL: You could get a genetic test done? (I think she’s wants to try one too)

H: Oh this is interesting. Does it tell you about why your hair grows or not?

SL: It can tell you many things, like what type of food makes you gain weight etc.

H: Aah, that type of thing! How much does it cost though? It sounds expensive.

SL: I wonder, *laughs* it’s probably expensive.

H: I want to try it- Ah but it doesn’t matter, this conversation probably isn’t very interesting.

SL: People might find it interesting to know you have thin body hair.

H: Ah, but when I get told I have thin body hair, I get “ugh” *sighs*.

H: Nowadays, or rather during the quarantine -it was three months wasn’t it- I got really hooked on video games. Do you know about Fortnite?

SL: I’ve heard about it.

H: *explains what Fortnite is* I got super hooked on that game. I was playing constantly it was like I was either training, or watching movies or playing Fortnite.

SL: H- How much time did you spend playing?

H: *laughing* I said that but I played two hours a day at most. When I played too much I’d get dizzy/nauseated. I get game sick lol. Fortnite moves a lot so after an hour I’m like “Ugh I feel nauseated… but I want to play some more”. And then I keep playing but two hours is my maximum. I guess two hours a day isn’t what you call ‘a lot’ huh?

SL: No well, it’s a lot considering you play while feeling sick from it…

H: Haha true. It’s an addictive game. It makes you want to get better at it. AH, I couldn’t wrestle for three months, right? At some point I thought to myself “seriously… If I can’t wrestle, should I try and become a pro gamer?” I looked it up, and saw that in the world championship, the winner gets a 3M$ prize. I was so shocked. I don’t think there’s a pro wrestler in the world who earns 3M$.

H: Anyway there are ranked games (?? I know nothing about fortnite) and I thought, let’s start by winning those, so I went and joined one. It started and I immediately got shot down while I was still in my parachute. I was ranked 99th in a 100 person game.

SL: *trying to laugh silently, failing a little*

H:I went “oi oi oi” and “what happened to the guy who died before me”. I didn’t think I would get first place but I thought the top 10 was feasible. I wondered what my daily two hours were worth. It was a shock. Anyway I never said I’d become a pro gamer after that lol. Even though I had already started thinking about what to buy with 3M$.

SL: What would you buy with that money?

*** I will stop here for the first part bc this post is becoming very long and we’re only 10 minutes in a 30min video. I’ll post the next parts as soon as I can***

#english is not my first language so #sorry for any mistakes #this is so late because I accidentaly DELETED THE ENTIRE POST YESTERDAY #i cried a bit and got back to work when I found the motivation #Hiromu's voice is rly quite soothing tho; so it wasn't all bad :3 #hiromu takahashi #takahashi hiromu #hirochan's yt

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nikstersss · 3 years ago

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Not How To Pass The PLE

Before I go into the main gist of this post, let me give you a small background story. I was a mid-year post-graduate intern in Manila who started in January 2021. I lived alone in our condo unit near the hospital I went to. My usual routine was to get up early, prep, take a short walk to the trike station where I’d take a tricycle to the hospital, go on duty, insert a coffee or carioca break in between, walk all the way home at the end of the day, then maybe have a short study session with a couple friends after dinner or just chill at home. It was a pretty good setup. But then COVID happened. Suddenly, I was a pandemic e-ntern stuck at home listening to Zoom endorsements and lectures all day. At first I was hopeful that things would somehow go back to normal and maybe I wouldn’t be spending the rest of my internship in front of a screen, but we all know how that turned out.

I finished the first half of my internship with the regular year PGIs online. While they were prepping for their boards, I was on my second half with the new batch of interns (that’s probably you, dear reader)—still online. Now you might think that it would have been wise of me to use all that “free” time to start early with my own boards prep and you would be correct. I thought the exact same thing. And trust me, I tried. And failed. Countless times. I won’t even try to justify it. Admittedly, I still think it was a wasted opportunity to read more and make notes, but then again, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Besides, while it would have been nice and probably less stressful, I still survived without it. Which means that you can, too. So if you’re one of those who’s berating himself because you “didn’t make the most out of your time”, cut it out. You’ll be fine.

Towards the end of my internship, I enrolled in a review center. Despite the asynchronous setup, the review schedule was super tight and the sessions already started while I was still in the middle of final reports and exams. Needless to say, I was already behind on that before it even began. In fact, I didn’t even get to focus on reviewing itself until maybe around early February because of clearance, paperwork, and application stuff. So if you were to ask me how long I really reviewed for the March 2021 boards, I’d say just a little over a month. Kasalanan ko. Wag po tularan. Stressful siya. Nakakaloka.

And even when I did get to really buckle down and do some intense reading, I didn’t follow the program anymore. I tried to catch up at first, but I was already way behind. But I am grateful for all the summarized material because that meant I didn’t have to pore over the mother books anymore. What I will say, though, is that because I didn’t exactly follow the recommended study hours etcetera, I was able to enjoy the whole process because I did it at my own pace. Sure, there was still that dread that maybe I wasn’t on the same level as the others, but I learned to tune those thoughts out eventually. And that’s where goal-setting and discipline comes in, I guess.

The most common question I’ve been getting is what was my day like during the PLE review season. Honestly, I’d like to say I had a routine I followed, but that’s only half-true. While I did have a structure for my day, I rarely followed it exactly. Nevertheless, allow me to share what it would have been like if I did:

Ideally, I’d wake up at 5:00 A.M. then do my morning routine which included prayer and meditation, making my bed, taking a shower, and brewing coffee. And because I’m the type of person who enjoys these mundane activities and slow mornings, I also took this opportunity to get myself in the zone before all the studying that’s to come. I’d plan out my study goals and outline (something you can do the night before, actually) then maybe have breakfast while watching some videos (could be review-related, or those self-motivational vids, or maybe even Korean street food). I’d do whatever I wanted to wake my brain up without stressing it out too much until around 6:30 A.M. By this time, I’d work on backlogs for about an hour and study until about 10 or 11 A.M.—it depends how in the zone I am. I’d prep and cook lunch and then eat while watching Netflix maybe or even play a bit of Fortnite or Paladins until about 1:00 P.M. At this point, I’m pretty certain to be quite sleepy so it’s either I make coffee or tea, or maybe even go out to study at a coffee shop, and then it’s study all the way until 7 P.M. I then take a break to get some exercise, take a shower, have a light dinner, and if I feel like I deserve it, nap for a little bit. At around 8:30, my family usually calls and then we pray the rosary together. After this, I study again, but more of a recall and review session for the day’s progress until about 11:30. I then have my night self-care routine and then go to sleep around midnight.

The main takeaway from the previous paragraph? “Ideally.”

During the first few days of setting up my schedule or routine, following it was already challenging, but still doable. But then the backlogs started piling up and no matter how much I tried to streamline the whole study process, I just couldn’t keep up. I did what I could to follow study habits and schedules, but the setup was falling apart. And you know what? That was okay.

Normally, my type A self would have been so frustrated already with how poorly I was handling my review season. Admittedly, there were a few meltdowns and anxiety attacks as the exam drew nearer, but for the most part, I just let things happen as they did. I still adjusted, sure, but I wasn’t hard on myself for always having to. I kept changing goals when I didn’t meet them (which was probably 80% of the time). There were even instances where I’d finish a handout and then I’d say that okay, I’ll watch an episode for a reward, but that episode became the entire season. While I considered myself to be the most chill reviewee, I also thought I was the worst because I refused to give up any of my wants for my needs. I resisted, of course, but then they’d bug me the entire time I was studying so instead of staying productive, I’d just annoy the hell out of myself. I was probably just lazy and stubborn. LOL. Long story, short, it was a constant battle.

There were times when I felt confident enough to power through the whole thing. I enjoyed the whole process of studying, actually. Making notes and my own ways of memorizing things was fun. I made use of different study strategies, self-checks, and motivational boosters (more on these on a different post). Aside from these, having review-mates who were just a chat away made things bearable. Breakdown session muna tas aral na ulit. And how could I forget all my sweet friends who would send over coffee ayuda every now and then? To me, passing the boards, while mainly should be for oneself and one’s self-actualization, is also about not letting down these people who have been with you throughout your journey.

But it wasn’t always a hyped-90s-movie-transformation-montage kind of environment. Other times, I was just worn out and dejected by my lack of progress. In the already meager time I had to study, I still had plenty of off-days. Concepts just wouldn’t stick and it was disappointing how I’d already forgotten what I just read a couple days ago. It got really tiring even if I was staying indoors all the time. I missed the comfort of coffee shops and the company of study buddies. I missed my family. I wanted to hug our dog. There were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to make coffee and open my notes. I even reached a point where I was sure that I wouldn’t finish reading all the material. (I kid you not, I have handouts I never got to open.)

Yet here I am. Here I am writing about how I survived all that and got those two letters attached to my name. I am not a good example, obviously. There are hundreds better than me and you probably should be taking advice from them instead. I’m simply writing this to tell you that you don’t have to worry. This is all just to ease your anxieties about the PLE. I’m not saying it’s an easy feat that you can just achieve just like that. While I seemed rather complacent, I still put in the work, after all. Admittedly, I know I could have done more, but again, I’m not going to dwell on that anymore. It’s done.

My goal in writing this is to let you know, my dear future doctor, that you’re going to be just fine. Here’s someone who understands the huge disconnect that stemmed from being a pandemic e-ntern. Here’s someone who’s always been doubtful and full of anxieties about the PLE even before she filed her application at the PRC. Here’s someone who constantly prayed that the PLE be moved even for just a month (or kahit two weeks lang masaya na ako nun) up to the week before the exam along with a rising number of cases. Here’s someone who barely has the capability to maintain focus for more than an hour. Here’s someone whose reading pace was literally at 10 minutes per page (yes, I actually timed it and IDK if that’s slow or really slow). Here’s someone who still allowed herself to study at coffee shops and even have samgyup (with proper health protocols, of course) even if she knew she was drowning in backlogs.

My point is that if I managed to pass despite all that, you can, too. My close friends know that I developed a rather funny mentality to ease the jitters as the boards drew nearer. I knew and claimed it for myself that I would already pass. I viewed the whole PLE as just a “formality”--a means for His plans of me becoming a doctor to manifest in this realm. I believed it so much to the point that I thought that no matter what bloopers and slip-ups I have during the test, I’d still see my name on the list of board passers. I’m not saying you should totally ease up and just have a come-what-may attitude. Again, I’m not the model student you should be following here. What I’m saying is to have faith in yourself, your capabilities, and in God. So chin up, Doc. Just a little more ‘til you get to legally practice with that MD at the end of your name.

#nikstersss #PLE

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msyuksanh · 4 years ago

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[Hyorotto Danshi Article Translation]

“Nishiyama Kotaro to Umehara Yuichiro: “You’re an immature person!”, and Nishiyama Kotaro feels comfortable when pressure is applied to him”

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From the broadcast on May 24th, we hear about Umehara Yuichiro’s current state of affairs, and we hear stories from the two of them about their commutes to high school.

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“Nishiyama Kotaro to Umehara Yuichiro: “You’re an immature person!”

Umehara talks about how lately he’s been playing “Splatoon” with his relative’s elementary school kids. Since it looks like they play every night, it seems the kids are improving in their skills.

Umehara: “Honestly, I can’t win anymore. They can just beat me normally.”

Nishiyama: “Wha? Up until now I thought you were kicking their butts”

Umehara: “Yeah, yeah, I was beating them so bad. Generally we’d be on a LINE call together and I’d say “I won again, hahaaaa”.

Nishiyama: “That’s so immature! You’re an immature person, seriously (lol)”

Umehara: “(lol). Weeell, I can’t win anymore anyway.”

Umehara has said from the start he’s not good at games. When he spoke about how fast the kids are growing up he thought, “I should keep this is mind” ...

Umehara: “Right now we’re playing “Splatoon”, but since they’re elementary school kids I figure they’re probably gonna get in on the trends and start playing “Fortnite”, so I tried the game out. That’s why lately I’ve been practicing “Fortnite” to get good (lol)”

Nishiyama: “In anticipation (lol)”

Umehara: “Someday the kids are gonna play “Fortnite”, and when they say “Play with us, uncle”, I’m gonna beat them so badly.”

Nishiyama: “No-no, hold on, that’s unfair! I don’t want any of this underhanded side of you (lol)”

Umehara: “(lol) Yeah, well, I need to anticipate and prepare [for when that time comes].”

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“Nishiyama Kotaro feels comfortable when pressure is applied to him?”

There were messages from listeners saying “Please tell us about when you both went to school”, so they talk about their high school days. It seems it took about 2 hours for Nishiyama to get to school...

Nishiyama: “When the train was crowded, it kinda felt comfortable when I was squished.”

Umehara: “Ahh, like, on the other hand you were leaving your body to be held up by other people.”

Nishiyama: “Yeah, yeah. Weell, it’s not like I was leaning, but my body felt like it was in fixed in place, and I didn’t hate that. For example, when you have a Kojien (single-volume Japanese dictionary), and you rest it on top of your hand and you feel its heaviness...do you know what I mean?”

Umehara: “Well, it’s not like I don’t get what you mean... That was a very unexpected example (lol)”

Nishiyama: “It seems like I don’t exactly hate pressure being put on my body.”

Next, we have a story from Umehara’s commute to school. During Umehara’s high school days, he took the same train as the “Girl’s Group”, and it looks like he got their contact info.

“This is the first time I’m hearing such a story!”, Nishiyama was taken aback. However, it looks like Umehara “was never going to message them” anyway...

Umehara: “And then, god, the next day! So I was on the same train. And the “Girl’s Group” were constantly giving me dirty looks. And they were whispering to each other like, “Why didn’t he message us? He sucks”. There are 2 stations near that school I went to, so I changed my station the next day.”

Nishiyama: “Yikes...”

“That only ever happened once, though. How nostalgic”. And that was Umehara reminiscing about his high school days.

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(Thanks for reading! I loved reading these stories!)

#hyorotto danshi #hyoro #nishiyama kotaro #kou-chan #tarori #umehara yuichiro #umehara yuuichirou #ume-chan #the bae #the husband #seiyuu #seiyuu article translation #mytranslation #i've been to those stations ume-chan's been to!

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aquainnie · 5 years ago

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*. Stray Kids Reaction to You Asking for Tickles! .*

anon: “hi! you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, i totally understand if it’s too weird, but i was wondering if i could request a stray kids reaction to you asking to be tickled because you like it? if you don’t want to do this, feel free to just delete it, i really do understand. thank you ☺️.”

hello anon! i assume you’re in the tickle community of tumblr as i’ve heard of it before. although i’m not apart of that community and will literally punch you if you try to tickle me (i’m very sensitive lol), i happily did my research and wrote this for you! your community is very sweet and wholesome, and i don’t see anything wrong with tickle obsessions (unless it’s NSFW, then i’m not writing that). i hope you enjoy this and thank you for requesting!!

also! i did this in bullet point form, i hope that’s okay with you ^^

*. c h a n .*

squishy baby

you were having a bad day and just really needed some tickles

so you asked your emotional support boy boyfriend, chan

who happens to be THE sweetest person you’ve ever met??

but you were still worried he’d think you’re weird (stoopid reader)

“ᶜᴴᴬᴺ?”

“yes baby?

“ᶜᴬᴺ ᴵ ᴴᴬ��ᴱ ˢᴼᴹᴱ ᵀᴵᶜᴷᴸᴱˢ?”

“tickles?”

“ᵞᴱˢ”

although it’s an unexpected request from you, he’ll comply because your his bby

starting off small with his tickles, they’ll get bigger and grander the more he sees you laugh and squirm

by the end of the tickle session, both of you have wide grins on your faces

expect more tickles from now on you happy reader!!

*. m i n h o .*

okay expect a complete 180 reaction from chan

he’s just really confused okAY

the r00d minho comes out i’m ngl

when you ask, he’ll just jab your stomach a couple of times before turning around in bed, not really paying attention to your pouty and now disappointed face

minho you messed up big time >:((

so in return, you poke in on the back a couple of times

“what?”

“m o r e” :((

he turns around in curiosity and sees your sad face and then puNCHES himself in the stomach because he realized how harsh he was :<

so to apologize he scoops you into his arms and tickles the heck out of you

smooching the top of your head to say sorry

all in all,

he won’t really get it at first

but as soon as he saw your smiley face, he’ll love it

*. c h a n g b i n .*

another r00d boy tbh

but in a slightly different way actually

basically: he prefers cuddles over tickles

weird reason, right?

but he’s stubborn so he tries to coax you to ask for cuddles instead

but you’re aLSO stubborn so it’s just two tiny people brawling over which is better

“tickles won’t comfort you though!!”

“they do for me ;<”

ack, you got him reader

freaking pathos sorry what my english class is writing argumentative essays my bad

so you end up winning no surprise

so congratulations!! you get endless tickles until he’s tired of it

enjoy them, he’ll expect cuddles from you later >:)

*. h y u n j i n .*

honestly, another boy who prefers cuddles a tad bit more

but hey, affection!!!

he just loves affection *cue him smothering every single member with hugs*

you aren’t even afraid to ask

you just sorta,, latched onto him

“can you tickle me?”

so he

gently sets you down on the bed

he’s being so careful with you as if you’re made of glass

but no!! you want lots of tickles

so as soon as you said that he’s going love blaster style

pumping out the most loving and affectionate tickles you’ve ever received in your life

please keep him in your life

*. j i s u n g .*

get ready for tHIS one

because guess what

he secretly likes tickles too

you didn’t hear that from me though *winks and does finger guns*

but it sUCKS because both of you happen to be squeamish so it’s just two people desperately wanting tickles yet if one of you acts upon it the other is going to fall onto the floor in response

this won’t stop you though

you’re gETTING those tickles even if you die in the process

so you ask

and he gets a bit of courage too

“ᶜᴬᴺ ᴵ ᴳᴱᵀ ᵀᴵᶜᴷᴸᴱˢ ᵀᴼᴼ ᵀᴴᴱᴺ?”

poor baby, ofc you comply

you guys go at the same time which just,, HORRIBLE IDEA

both of you are about to pass out ten seconds in

but it’s still worth it

one day you two will conquer your sensitivity and tickle the giggles out of each other

ooooo tickle the giggles!! im slowly getting more and more high im so sorry anon

*. f e l i x .*

expectations: very soft, gentle, loving

reality: you’ve awakened the beast

i’ll explain wlkejrkwlajrkl

you ask him one day out of the ordinary while he looks on the phone

v shyly as well so you didn’t expect much

but nOOOOO

he’s prepared for this moment

placing his phone down totally not playing fortnite

so he

get ready this isn’t going to be like hyunjin’s

THROWS you onto the bed wrestler style

tickling the shit out of you like a madman making you erupt with laughter

because guess what?

you challenged him to a competition

“who can make y/n laugh the most”

felix vs.. nobody

but don’t tell him that, he loves tickling you and you love his violent tickles so it works out

*. s e u n g m i n .*

he’S JUST GONNA MAKE FUN OF YOU AT FIRST IM SO SORRY YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS

but you deserve him i mean what

you’re going to have to explain your thing for tickles as he needs a bit of explanation

after you do, seungmin jokingly goes “like this?” and spreads his fingers over your stomach, triggering a loud giggle from you

tHAT caught him off guard

he goes :0

but soon goes ;D

he’s happy he can make you happy

so he tickles you more and more just to get more giggles out of you

he’s thoroughly enjoying this because usually he’ll tickle the members to make them s u f f e r

but with you he can go all out and make you smile and-

he just loves you okAY

he’ll never say it out loud but,, he loves you okay reader

ohmygod is my “seungmin is my ideal type” showing?? my bad

*. j e o n g i n .*

MY LOVE

lets get started

you told him that you liked tickles as well when you asked him

and he just gets really smiley

“what’s so funny??”

“you’re so cute heheheh”

B A B Y

shabirb lets get back on track here

he’ll first give you a hug and start tickling your sides

using your laughter as motivation he ~explores~ more of your body IN A PG WAY THIS IS STILL A SFW BLOG and finding your weak spots AGAIN STILL A PG BLOG

he’ll learn to love tickles from you

maybe he’ll even ask you for tickles if he gets enough courage??

but then again maybe i’m honestly not to sure about it

sweet baby, my love, you two please protect each other

ah, that was a lot of fun to write and i might’ve gotten carried away at some points lol. requests are open 24/7, don’t be shy! (this is my 4th request in the span of 2 weeks, that’s incredible!)

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gumptin · 5 years ago

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my last words... wtfock s3e10 review

- is that,,,, is that FORTNITE?

- as my 17 year old brother says “that was a rage quit”

- i bet sander is gonna cope with this through his art while robbe copes with it THROUGH FORTNITE because (say it with me one last time) ROBBE HATES THE ARTS!

- senne is my favorite himbo. he just be handsome and love girlfriend and that’s his whole character but I Respect Him So Much

- FACE TO FACE!!

- milan looks like that “weirdo” guy from riverdale

- if zoe and senne break up i am going to astral project into whatever plane fiction exists on and scream at them

- what if this phone call was just senne calling robbe from the other room

- HIS MOTHER??? IS COMING??? HOME??

- okay not to out myself but i’ve been to an inpatient mental hospital before and they Do Not just let people walk down the halls like that

- *beyonce meme* BRITT?!

- i LOVE the very clearly staged drawing of robbe with all the pencil shavings on it... and the paper is way smaller than the sketchbook it is on and THE SCISSORS WHICH ARE 20000% NEVER ALLOWED IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL and now that i think about it NEITHER ARE PENCIL SHARPENERS

-“i’ll do the same” is britt’s One Sentence Character Development. this technique was also seen with aaron in the cafe scene.

- this room looks very staged i’m sorry

- how long do exams last in belgium why are they still in school?

- jens is like... tall

- “you should’ve seen him there all wrapped up in...” TIN FOIL! LIKE A HOT DOG!

- “i can’t protect you against the fallout” okay john green

- au where everything is the same but robbe naruto runs down the hall like an anime club kid

- why are there just cans all over the floor of that room

- i like the warm filter they used on the clips... Very Pleasing To Mine Eye

- if sander starts crying i’m peacing our for the night i don’t want to feel emotion

- oh my that’s so... como se dice.... Tender

- MINUTE BY MINUTE?!

- even in a very emotionally compromising situation sander gotta use A Little Tongue

- god my heart clenched this is unacceptable

- i wish they had used the original version of You’re The One That I Want... Olivia Newton John BELONGS in skam

- omg britt got character development through text QUEEN

- robbe kinda fit tho ngl

- the Tenderness 🤢🤢

- oh god ohhhhhh goddddddd

- i feel like an unhinged white woman in an arthouse film wailing at the loss of her husband... but it’s just over zoe and senne breaking up

- the actress who plays zoe honestly serving up the best performance of 2019

- omg is moyo going to get One Sentence Character Development too?????

- NO I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN SAY IT YOU COWARD

- jens, a skater boy with an earring, really just said zendaya isn’t a ten... wtfock writers on some bullshit i tell you what

-so in this hypothetical deserted island robbe has to fuck to survive or...?

- bruh was that a green screen or is there really a part of that city where you can just walk above it bc if so that’s cool as hell

- he literally stared into it for a solid three seconds before spraying that perfume in his eyes

- he got those perfume samples in his hand like a very lame version of wolverine who gives his opponents paper cuts

- BABY! NOOR!!

- when he said sorry... i felt that

- what if noor hadn’t been working this shift

- robbe ONLY dates people who wear combat boots

- FAMILY GAME NIGHT

- not to sound like everyone else on here but That Was Soft

- aaron: hey little mama lemme whisper in your ear

- a 17 year old getting alcohol for christmas... america could NEVER

- it’s a box??? robbe got a box???

- bro you know the vibes when your ex gf and current bf become friends

- NOTHING i write in these reviews is even HALF as jarringly funny as what luca said about bathbombs... i give up

- teenage boys who film everything are the bane of my existence

- COOL PUSSY????????????? cool pussy.... he said, and i quote, “cool pussy”. the writers of this show wrote that down and then he said it. in the show. on television.

- YASMINA THERE SHE IS

- oh for a second i thought robbe was gonna text sander from across the room

- “TONIGHT”

- sander said: minute by minute? more like miNUTe by miNUTe

- awwwwwwwww :’)

- they just yeeted me, the viewer, into the sky.

okay it’s been real y’all... a lot more people ended up liking these than i expected so thanks for reading and sending me asks (and sorry i don’t answer them all... y’all are welcome to dm me if you really wanna talk about this show lol). i might end up doing this again for skam españa who knows????

#to quote the year 2014: its all ogre now #lexi watches wtf #wtfock

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goldeneyedgirl · 5 years ago

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2019 Fic Meme

My end of year fic meme, compiled from some old Livejournal fic memes that I do when I write stuff. I do this for fun, because I like looking back at what I have and haven’t written, and what keeps popping up again.

It’s meant to be silly fun, and if anyone else wants to do it, PLEASE DO. I don’t want to tag anyone and put pressure on you in case you don’t want to/don’t think you have enough fic/hate memes.

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, bonus. Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen. Encompasses Folie A Deux, The Only Girl in the World, JessaminexAlice, Omens, Asylum, The Long Way Around, The Dark and the Unknown, Hybrid, Runaway, All These Broken Things, & The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon

Shadow to Light (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins.

Total number of completed stories: Lol.

Total word count: 33,304 words were posted.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? Look, I just... 2019 was a wash in so many ways. I played a lot of Fortnite really badly. I would have loved to be able to say Shadow to Light was finished, or that I was posting Hybrid regularly or something, but I can’t. I wish, wish, wish I had posted more but alas.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Outside of Twilight, I dabbled with some reader/Ben in the Umbrella Academy, and I was messing around with some Janet/Wanda in my personal MCU canon. As for Twilight, I think my stuff got a lot darker? Like, we’re down the rabbit hole here, and somehow Alice ended up being the most feared vampire in the Americas? Yeah.

And there’s the Avengers/Twilight fic that is simultaneously three fics and one fic because I cannot make Executive Decisions and I can’t decide if I like 1. Alice knowing Bucky from Before Jasper; 2. Alice knowing Hawkeye from when he was a kid in the circus and being how Natasha and Clint got out of Budapest, or 3. the Volturi hooking up with Hydra and ... yeah, I think this one is legit the most second-most one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever written. (I’ve been filing today, and boy howdy have I written some actual shit.)

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? That’s like making me pick a favourite child. I’m always so, so proud of Shadow to Light, and I love The Dark and the Unknown ‘verse, and Hybrid is just hanging out there, chilling and ugh. My babies <3

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? TwilightFicMas was a huge risk! I wasn’t sure anyone cared unless I was posting more Shadow to Light, and people were SO nice and enthusiastic. So I guess the lesson is shut up and share more fic? Get out of your own head and spend time in the community because fandom isn’t meant to be lonely?

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? I’m starting a graphic design business AND my masters in design in 2020, so I figure fic is going to be my downtime next year. Ideally, I would love to get STL finished, Memento Vivere’s sequel going, and have a few of my shorter pieces posted. I would really love to get some of my original stuff ready for publication, but I’d be happy studying, running my business, and doing the fic thing for 2020.

My best story of this year: That’s up to the readers, I guess. Everyone seemed obscenely enthusiastic about The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon, though, and I was not expecting that at all - I was actually upset that I left the ‘dud’ fic for the last day of FicMas.

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Everyone is so nice and enthusiastic and polite about that one. I’m not used to it! Fandom for me is usually me sitting in a corner, doin’ my obscure thing, and maybe one or two people will read what I’m working on.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I think everyone was super enthusiastic and nice about everything I posted this year. Maybe Folie A Deux? But like, that reflects more on me and the excerpts that I chose to post rather than the fic or the audience itself.

Most fun story to write: The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon because that Alice is so happy; I have this playlist for it that is super upbeat and funky.

Hybrid is fun because that Alice likes to torment Jasper. He understands Edward on a molecular level once Alice arrives.

Most Sexy Story: The Dark and the Unknown is the front-runner for that, because most of the sexy goings-on in Shadow to Light is very much focused on the psychological and emotional aspects rather than the physical.

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Dark and the Unknown. I am still deeply uncomfortable writing sex scenes, so this may be the only one I ever do. The implication of a blow job in Shadow to Light nearly kill me tbh.

The forest behind the school is silent; just her breathing, and the slight wind. No birds or wildlife, none of the hum of the traffic or of the school.

They don’t undress more than necessary, her skirt slid to her hips, and he takes her roughly against a tree, flakes of bark falling into the dirt. She is hot and slick, and silent as he fucks her, his fingers digging into her hips, a growl rising in his chest. She is every bit his fantasy; the smell of damp flowers, the sweetness of her flesh, her willing supplication. His fingers tear through the lace of her tights as he grips her thighs, and the heels of her shoes must be bending, she’s digging them into the backs of his legs so hard.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: The Long Way Around makes Jasper and Alice’s relationship pretty fucked up, and tbh I look back at it and really struggle with how dark it is and how dark Jasper’s character becomes. There’s a reason that Shadow to Light is the ‘official’ version - it’s a better balance, and I actually think Maria is a lot more interesting in Shadow to Light as a villain with complex relationships with both Jasper and Alice to the point where none of them really want to have to kill each other, but there is a lot of hate on both sides.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: That’s a hard question. Shadow to Light definitely did that because I had to consider what happened when you took Alice out of the picture, and how that changed what happened, and considered the inter-family relationships. So much of canon relies on Alice’s visions that things can’t just happen the same way.

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light isn’t easy because I have such a specific idea of how it plays out, how it ‘looks’ in my head, and because Alice is so fundamentally different to canon. More innocent when it comes to normal interactions, and so controlled because it meant life or death - but she’s still got to be Alice in a way that people can recognize. It also has to sound right? If I can’t get the right turn of phrase for one scene, it has to be put aside until I can work it out.

All These Broken Things is hard because I started it back in, like, 2014ish and my writing and understanding of the characters and canon has changed so much - plus there are a few sections that came to me quite early in the writing, and now sound really out of place, but are such a strong linchpin for the story that I have to rework them in. It’s a good kind of hard, though, because I’ve improved so much, my ideas and goals are more refined.

Most disappointing: Omens is a little bitch, honestly. I started it for a fic contest and kept going to explore Alice’s human life, and it doesn’t quite feel like my writing? It needs reworking, and be a little less obvious because I think the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse’ is a good theme for a Human!Alice fic.

Easiest story to write: Depends on my mood; Hybrid is great when I’m in kind of a ‘girls kicking ass’ mood and boot up my action girls playlist.

Biggest surprise: Hybrid started as a love story that was basically ‘yeah, let’s make this shit super dramatic and overwrought’, and turned into this actual story with a huge focus on family and relationships. I can’t remember why I decided Alice’s father had a husband except that I was thinking about small town ‘otherness’, and LGBT+ people can and are still considered ‘other’ in these spaces.

Then you add in Alice and Cynthia who are basically in the same boat but have been separated for their entire lives. Alice has knowledge in her corner, whilst having to fight through foster care, abuse, and hospital; whilst Cynthia has lived a very normal but privileged life as the daughter of a mixed-race same-sex couple in a very small town. I went full-hog with this, and added in an extended family, because I really hated how canon went balls-to-the-wall to isolate Bella from everyone, including Charlie.

Like, this thing is a monster, and whilst I plan to sit down and rewrite the outline (which dates back to 2016, and I hate the ending of), I stopped outlining at 65 freaking chapters.

Most unintentionally telling story: I think this question that still confuses me finally gets a decent answer in The Dark and the Unknown - Jasper is seeing most of it from his perspective, and there isn’t a ton of dialogue. I’ve tried to avoid an info-dump, but it’s meant to be quite supernatural in tone, and focusing on vampire senses and gifts enhances that.

Story I’d like to revise: All These Broken Things wins that one. Due to the age of the piece, there are some pacing and tone issues in later chapters that are the reason I haven’t formally posted it.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Oh man, I really want to finish A Thousand Years of Solitude, which is a Tanya fic. I’m really happy with what I’ve got so far, but it sounds smarter and more layered than it really is, so I’m kind of stuck.

Mad World because Romani!Alice is super sassy and taking 0% of Swan or Cullen bullshit - I think 90% of my fic is just me going, “yeah, that’s not how normal people react.” And I’m a sucker for gothic horror.

What else? Aww, Against A Wall which is AU Human Jasper coming from the shittiest home, and Alice finding him. It’s meant to be short, and another one I have a really clear idea of how it needs to work.

And the one where Alice’s gift is a sentient power that pushes her to follow it; that Bad Things happen if she doesn’t; that Renesmee was always Endgame for Something, and Alice was a key piece to get that result. Or the one where Aro takes Alice as a ‘guest’ for a period because of Edward and Bella, and Alice’s gift is basically broken.

Good times. I have like 5 years of fic on this computer, we could be here for awhile.

#my fic #twilight fic #meme #my writing

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stefr · 5 years ago

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It finally hit

It’s the first day, first day it’s officially over. I cried I continue to cry thinking what have I done wrong? was it just to late? what if I never broke things off? I go out each night trying to have fun and for what? To come home and get reminded that I’m sad. Depressed. Exhausted. I lay here looking into our daughters eyes like what do I do?? How do I continue to smile to such a beautiful face when all I can think about it’s how much our life is falling apart. I’m just sad I really am. I dread going to work, walking up just being a live because every little thing reminds me of you. I’m tired of this!! I want it all to go away. I feel dumb, I literally was telling everyone we were going to get back together to just get slapped in the face with some news like that. But you’ve made your choice & although I’m not to fond of you rn I will respect you as her father and carry on with life. How do I feel? How have I been feeling? I don’t even know how to describe it. Yes at first I was confused very confused. Didn’t know if I could move on from the past. Didn’t know if you changed. Didn’t know if you really loved me like I loved you. I then started to realize and think.. what am I doing??? I love you, I loved you so much why am I wasting time? Why aren’t I with you?? Just seemed like once I noticed that it was to late. We’d fuck I’d make excuses to see you and then I’d never get a text or nothing and although it felt so good in the moment it wasn’t worth going home and crying bc I knew we weren’t going anywhere. So where do I stand? Alone. Very sad and alone. I feel like the world is against me & im trying to push forward not only for me but for my daughter as well. It’s hard lifting myself up bc I noticed when I cry I no longer have anyone to cry to. I’ve lost not only my boyfriend but my bestfriend and that’s what hurts the most. But I don’t want to seem like our relationship was all bad. There was a lot of good memories. When we skipped school and you came with fluffy to pick me up. Or when we went to the beach and yannooo lmao. Or that time when we went to Portland with david and I went on that one way!! lol although I’m not happy rn i can’t help but think of all the memories we’ve had. I have dreams of me waking up and you playing Fortnite again at the tv and me just being with Sophie... I finally blocked you on everything. I decided if I’m going to move on from you I must do it the right way. I have to take everything down, I have to delete all the pics I have to do everything to at least just not think about you as much. And it super hard when the one thing I can’t move away is sophie. She’s a part of you, she laughs like you, has your lips, makes that little mad face you do. She’s you. Literally. And it hurts having to see you everyday in her. I love her so much I do and I literally hate crying in front of her. Not because she laughs at me (which she does sometimes) but because when I’m hella crying she just comes to me and holds me, gives me a big hug and I can’t help but think she gets that from you. It’s 8am and tbh I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just felt like I need to put it all down and maybe I’d feel better about it. Maybe it’d be fine. But geez I know this is just the beginning but I’m just scared to move on. But this is time. It’s time to move on. So I guess this is good bye Sergio. I know you’re never going to read this but good bye. I will never love someone as much as I loved you. And I wish literally nothing but the absolute best for you.

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negasonicimagines · 6 years ago

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TEAM (Part One)

request: hey can you write an ntw x reader pleeeasssee? maybe angst w a fluff ending?? you're literally my entire resource for ntw fics and i lov you for it thanks so much sweetie. i'm sorry i don't really have like a plot line for you but i mean wade as a shipper is always good (also Colossus being Done With Him)

hey everybody! hurray for more consistent writing, yeah? next part will be the funner, fluffier part, but this is the angsty part!

tw for: abusive drug addict mom (because even I can’t escape that trope), addiction, lots of crying, your death (mentioned), starving yourself (not anorexia or bulimia, also just a mention), depressed!reader, and basically an overall tw for some dark themes. Let me know if I missed anything.

“Your mom said she’d call the cops on me if she caught you crashing here again.” Deadpool, despite being in his suit, wears a robe. He said what he did as he came out of his bedroom to discover you on his couch, obviously having just woken up. He doesn’t mind, though, he never does. Your best friend is a grown fucking man. And that’s the least weird thing about your life.

“She probably doesn’t even remember saying that, dude,” you remind him as he continues walking, to the kitchen. “She was tweaking out of her goddamn mind.”

Wade sighs heavily. He despised your mother, despised any parent who would choose drugs over their own kids. “Why don’t you just stay at Xavier’s full-time instead of just going to school there? Then, she couldn’t call the cops,” he replies, turning on the stove. You finally follow him, sitting at the kitchen island.

“The resources are better spent on someone else. It’d be a waste if I lived there.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I don’t need to eat, or sleep. I don’t need a bed or food.”

Wade scoffs. “Just because you come back to life, doesn’t mean you should kill yourself for the sake of ‘saving resources.’ You need to be more responsible for yourself.”

“Seriously? Coming from you?”

“Hey, I eat and sleep all the time. If eating and sleeping paid the bills, it’s all I’d do. You should be more like me,” he proudly says, and a smile actually makes its way onto your face, surprisingly enough. “There she is!” he happily remarks, and you roll your eyes. “You seem especially down, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” you fib.

He doesn’t buy it.

“I always say that I had another superpower long before Weapon X: I can tell when someone is lying. What’s really going on?”

You scoff. “You never say that. But, uh, you’re right. She stole my fucking Xanax.”

It wasn’t common for Xanax to be prescribed to minors, but nothing else worked for your depression. Xanax was strong enough to break through your metabolism, at least for a little while… But after doing some research and finding that it was addictive, you stopped taking it. You never wanted to end up like your mom.

“You think she might get hooked on that, too?”

“Oh, no, I figured that was gonna happen eventually. I guess the bright side is that I know it’s not pressed fentanyl. But, uh… I’ve been selling it. For food and whatever else it’ll cover. So, not having it really sucks. Who knows how many customers I’ll lose, and I probably won’t be able to eat anything for a-”

Wade places a plate in front of you, silencing you.

“BLT. I know you hate breakfast food, but I wanted bacon and pancakes.”

“You shouldn’t have,” you tell him, meaning it. “Thank you.”

“I’m always going to,” he argues in a sing-song tone. “No problem. I buy in bulk, anyways. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something…”

“Yeah?” you wonder, interested to know what he’s going to say. People always bitch about him being a blabbermouth, but at least the things he says are interesting. He’s not boring, even if he’s loud and never shuts up.

“Have you ever considered looking for your father? I know you’ve said that he’s probably a POS like her, but maybe he’s not. Maybe he’s a cool guy who just doesn’t know you exist.” You have the vague impression that that’s not what he was planning to say, but you dismiss your intuition, as you have no idea what else he would’ve said.

“And he’s probably better off that way, man. Who wants an asocial, gay, mutant teenage daughter?”

“Ellie’s parents seem to like her, and you’re a lot nicer than she is, even if you’re both obsessed with self-imposed isolation. Hey, if you start living at Xavier’s, you’d see your mutual IRL!”

“I will strongly consider living at Xavier’s School for Gifted Losers if you never use the terms ‘mutual’ or ‘IRL’ ever again, you rotten old man.”

“No promises!” He tells you with a laugh.

Speaking of your mutual, Ellie messages you on Twitter. You take a bite of your sandwich, and respond.

ellienegasonic666: Hey what r u up to today

[your twitter handle]: Hanging w wade, why?

ellienegasonic666: Why would you subject urself to that sksjksjdl

[your twitter handle]: He’s like one of my best friends??? and mom was being a pain again

ellienegasonic666: You should just live @ Xavier’s lol

[your twitter handle]: That’s what wade said lol, I think he’s just trying to get rid of me

ellienegasonic666: Really???

ellienegasonic666: Maybe he’s MY best friend too

[your twitter handle]: You think it’s a good idea???

ellienegasonic666: DUH. You’re like the only person I can stand like at all

[your twitter handle]: Wow… thank you??? Kind of a big compliment coming from you jsadalksjdlak

ellienegasonic666 is typing…

One thing that made you both want and not want to live at Xavier’s was the possibility of seeing Ellie more. She was your only true friend that was your age, and even the same species as you. (You’d befriended many a stray animal in your wanderings about the city.)

And you had the biggest, most embarrassing crush on her. Developing feelings for any girl that shows you basic human kindness? Yeah, you were that person. So, on one hand, more opportunities to admire her. On the other, more opportunities for her to see what a fucking loser you are, at least, in your opinion.

You lock your phone, putting it down and continuing to eat your sandwich.

“Come on, kid. Dish. What were you two talking about just now?”

“How do you know I was talking to her?” You ask him.

“Your eyes light up every time your phone vibrates,” he explains. “No one else makes you that happy. Except for me, but I don’t make you happy in that way. That’d be gross.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his antics. “Listen, when I go to school tomorrow, I’ll discuss it with Logan… If you let me crash here tonight,” you negotiate.

“Fine, but I get to feed you breakfast in the morning,” he replies.

“Sounds good,” you tell him, giving him a thumbs-up.

The rest of the day goes smoothly, you and Wade playing Fortnite and watching Golden Girls together.

You rest your head on your best friend’s shoulder.

“I wish I never had to go back there,” you confess tiredly at around 10 PM, and he sighs.

“Me too,” he admits. “But it’s not safe here. This neighborhood is shitty, and-”

“I live in a shitty neighborhood already,” you cut him off with a reminder.

“And this is Deadpool’s house.”

“I can’t die forever,” you tell him, as if he could ever forget that. Like it wasn’t the only comforting thought when you were assigned to missions, even the safe ones.

“I know,” he replies with a deep sigh that unwinds the tension woven into every fiber of his being. “I know. I’ll consider it, if Xavier’s is at capacity”

The next morning, you wake up at 6 AM for school, silencing your alarm and enjoying the warmth. Before you know it, you’ve slipped back to sleep.

“Y/N. Y/N. Hey.” Each word is punctuated by a poke to your face by a gloved finger. “Listen, kid, I know you need the sleep, so I let you sleep in, but you’re gonna be late to school if you don’t get up and chow down quickly.”

You jolt straight up with a choking gasp, realizing you fell back asleep. You scarf down the toast with (favorite toast topper, be it butter or peach jam or whatever) and bacon, multi-tasking as you get ready.

“I’ll drive you, so don’t worry about makeup and all that junk. You can do it in the car. Just get your teeth brushed and get dressed and shit,” Wade informs you, starting Al’s old klunker so the shitty heater will warm up the car a little bit before the two of you are forced into it by time.

You dash out of the bathroom, small makeup bag in hand and shoes untied, and Wade follows you at a slower but still brisk pace.

“Why’d you let me sleep?” you ask him frustratedly, applying your lipstick(/gloss/balm/whatever) while you wait for his answer.

“I told you, you needed it.”

“I didn’t need it this badly,” you retort, working on your eyeliner next. The two of you hit a bump, so you get out your concealer and salvage what you can.

“You needed it. I’m sick of watching you die of neglect, why is that not enough of a reason for you?” He punctuates his words with a terrible groan, as if he’s pained by this bickering..

“I come back!” you argue, confused about why he’s pushing this taking-care-of-you thing more than usual.

“I know your mom doesn’t give a shit about whether you live or die, but I do! I’m not letting you die, ever again! Get over it!” Wade practically screams in frustration, effectively silencing you.

You sit there, in complete stillness, before getting back to work on your makeup. You put on foundation and blush, contouring before you set it all with translucent powder, sweeping the soft brush over your smooth skin.

“I’m sor-”

You shake your head, pressing your limps together firmly so that no sobs leak out, blinking hard.

Wade knows you hate yelling, not to mention what he said was over the line.

He pulls up to the school.

“I’ve got some business here, later. Do you want me to bring lunch and hang around to pick you up?”

You shake your head. “I’ll walk home, or something.”

“Have a good day?” he offers, and you just walk away, entering the school.

At least I’m on time, you think to yourself, stumbling to homeroom in a haze. Homeroom’s Chemistry, and you definitely didn’t do your homework last night.

“Mx. L/N, your homework?” the teacher says at your desk.

“No,” is your only response.

The teacher sighs, shaking his head in hopelessness before moving on to your lab partner, Ellie.

“Here it is,” she hands it to him. Once he’s moved, she hisses to you: “Why didn’t you just ask me if you could copy mine?”

You curl in on yourself a bit, putting your head on the desk and guarding it with your arms and hands. “Please don’t…” You whisper back, and you mentally chastise yourself for how pathetic you sound.

She places her hand on your back, unintentionally sending rather calming tingles through it.

“What happened? Your mom didn’t hurt you again, did she?”

“I mean, she did, night before last,” you mutter, moving your arms and letting one hand support the weight of your head boredly. “But that’s only a small part of why today is shitty. Don’t worry about it, El. It’s not your problem, okay?”

“Fine, if that’s how it’s gonna be,” she scoffs, but you know she’s not really that offended.

“I’m gonna talk to Logan during lunch about moving here. Crashing at Wade’s isn’t working out anymore.”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Ellie asks.

“He just yelled at me this morning. He’s too invested, he was mad ‘cause I don’t eat or sleep enough and I keep-” You remember that Ellie doesn’t know. “I keep getting dizzy spells. But, uh, you know me. I’m a pansy, can’t stand yelling.”

“You’re not a pansy for having trauma,” Ellie grumbles. “Hey, let Logan know that if there’s not another room, I’m fine sharing one with you.”

“Really?” you wonder, taken aback by her kindness. Ellie was always nicer to you than she was to other people, but this was a bit out of character.

“Yeah, why not? You get me,” she says.

The teacher scolds you and other classmates for talking, and the few of you become quiet and try to focus on the lesson.

A couple class periods later, and it’s lunchtime.

“Hey, Logan?” you approach him.

“I didn’t know, or I would’ve told you.”

“About what?” you ask, and if you thought he was frowning before, he definitely wasn’t happy now.

“Forget I said that. What did you want?”

“I wanted to talk about, uh, living here…” you say quietly, and he looks confused.

“Really? I thought you wanted to live out in the city.”

“Yeah, uh, that’s not really working out for me,” you admit.

“You didn’t get attacked by any of those anti-mutant gangs, did you?”

“No, uh, my mom’s not a gang,” you drop the bomb. “Just a physically and verbally abusive bitch.”

“And you’ve been staying with Wade occasionally, haven’t you?” he guesses.

“Yeah, uh, how’d you-? Not the point. We had an argument this morning, and um… I don’t think he’s gonna want me around.”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Why does everybody keep asking me that? No. The problem is that he’s too concerned. It’s not good. I don’t die forever and he still acts like it’s the worst thing in the world for it to happen every now and then.”

Logan sighs. “Right. Probably about the thing I didn’t know until recently that I know now and probably shouldn’t tell you.”

“And that is?”

“I should probably let him tell you,” Logan says, looking behind you. You turn around to see your best friend.

“Well, let’s hear it,” you say.

“I- I’m- I don’t want to be friends anymore,” he says. “It’s not appropriate for someone my age to be hanging around you like I do.”

“What? I thought you didn’t care about that shit,” you disagree. “You know you’re not a creep, I know you’re not a creep. Who else does it concern?”

“I don’t want to be friends with you anymore! Get over it, okay?! Don’t come to my house looking for a place to crash when your druggie mother beats your ungrateful ass! Don’t look for me when you’re in town! Don’t text me any boring, unfunny memes! Don’t Snapchat me stupid pictures of you and Ellie being losers! Don’t fucking speak to me! Ever! I don’t wanna see you ever again, got it?! I’m gonna be going now, Logan. Don’t expect me back anytime soon.”

He quickly leaves, and you turn back to Logan.

“What the fuck is going on?” you ask your mentor in a hoarse whisper, keeping your volume low to keep from crying. A tear slips down your face.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting that, I… You can stay here, but I don’t know where. We might have to squeeze you in with someone.”

“Ellie said that I could room with her if there wasn’t enough room,” you tell Logan, imagining wrapping a ribbon around your sadness, so tight, so that no one can see it. So that it won’t come out.

“Sounds good. I’ll let the Professor know. You, try to have a better rest of your day.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

The rest of your day is not good. You skip your last two classes and just sit at the foot of Ellie’s bed, choking sobs throwing themselves from your lungs like you wish you could throw yourself off a bridge, sinking into the water and going down, down, down… Drowning every time you awaken from death, only to die again. Perfect Purgatory. No problems other than fighting the instinct to rise to the surface.

Every time you calm down, start breathing normally, splash your face with cold water and blow your nose, thinking you might actually piece yourself back together by the time Ellie gets back from Photography Club, you remember what he said, again. Think about his face, the fury in his eyes when he yelled at you this morning.

And the cycle continues.

“Y/N?!” Ellie. Crap, Ellie can see how fucking pathetic you are. “Y/N, what’s wrong?!”

“He- He hates me… I- I don’t know what I- What I did- I- I can’t fucking breathe,” you cry out. “Everything was fine, and then he was just so- Just so fucking mad today. What did I do, Ellie, do you know?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Wade’s just a fucking bastard.”

“Not to me,” you weep. “Never to me…It hurts so bad, in my chest, I- I- I-” you gasp, again and again, desperate for air. “He- He was my...b-b-best f-friend… Only f-family I had… And he- he hates- hates m- he h-hates me…”

“Shh, Shh…” Ellie says, unsure of what else to do. She’d never been the one to comfort a crying friend, usually leaving that to someone else. But you, you didn’t have anyone else. “He doesn’t hate you. Maybe he was having a bad day. Whatever he said to you, he probably wishes he didn’t. And if he doesn’t, well, I’ll make him fucking wish he didn’t.”

“No!” you scream, an animalistic howl. “Don’t- D-don’t hurt him…” you whimper.

“I won’t, I won’t, I’m sorry. Was just trying to help. Wade-” She sighs, not liking that she has to reveal her feelings, too. “As much as I wanna hate the guy, I can’t. Because he’s a good man. And he loves you, so much. I don’t know why he said what he did, but I get the feeling there’s more to the story.”

“B-but he s-said such awful things…” you whine.

“Here, come on the bed. It’s more comfortable.” Ellie helps you up from the floor, taking off her shoes and lifting her black duvet so that you can slip under. Surrounded by a darkness that includes not just your second best friend, but your crush, was soothing in a way you’d never felt before. You struggle to breathe ends, even if your tears don’t. “What’d he say?”

“Just… Stuff about my mom. He said he didn’t want to be friends anymore, that he didn’t want me staying at his place or even talking to him.”

“That’s really fucking shitty. Do you- Do you want me to hold you?”

“You don’t have to,” you tell her, and she realizes that if she’s going to help you she also has to be emotionally vulnerable. “Why are you being extra nice to me? You really don’t have to, you could just make me lock myself in a bathroom or something.”

“I want to,” she confesses, and you scooch closer to her. She moves you so that your head is on her chest, and her arms are securely around you. As the two of you fidget, your legs tangle together. “I’m sorry about what happened today. I know that he’s your best friend, more than me, and I’d consider us pretty close.”

You hum in acknowledgement, her body’s extra natural warmth lulling you into a haze of emotional numbness and half-sleep. She strokes your hair.

“I love you so much, too. Not like he does, though. I wish we could stay like this forever. I always wanna protect you, even when you’re not in danger. I- I wanna do more than cuddle. I wanna kiss you, and get you flowers, and watch chick-flicks and pretend that I don’t like them just as much as you do. Sing along with stupid, funny voices to Pitch Perfect because we’re both too embarrassed of our real singing voices. I- I want to do all that, forever, and I don’t want you to do that stuff with anyone else, at least not the same way you do it with me. You get what I mean?”

But you don’t answer, having fallen asleep at some point in her ramblings, probably before she confessed the romantic nature of her feelings.

“Damn it,” she mumbles to herself, but is kind of grateful. Now really isn’t the best time, she realizes. She strokes your hair, glad to see you getting some rest after all you’d been through today. She stays there for w while, eventually lifting her arm from on top of you and unlocking her phone. She blocks Wade on every platform.

Normally when Ellie’s on her phone, she’s talking to you. It’s part of the reason she’s so attached to the damn thing. She plays some of the games she has installed for about an hour, before finally admitting to herself that she’s bored out of her mind.

But, it’s dinner time, meaning she has an excuse to wake you up.

“Y/N…” She quietly says, brushing your hair out of your face. “It’s time for dinner…”

“Hmm?” your eyes flutter open, but your eyelids are still heavy. You can’t believe you’re really cuddling with Ellie. You’d thought you dreamed it.

“Dinner,” she repeats.

“Jeez, was I out that long?” you wonder.

“Just for an hour and a half,” she tells you. “Dinnertime is a bit early, to make sure that everyone gets to eat before bedtime.”

“Oh. Cool,” you say, and then you remember why you’re here. You’re all cried out, for now, but you start to shake again.

“Hey, hey, no more of that,” Ellie discourages you. “He doesn’t deserve your tears. You should think about blocking him, on social media and whatever numbers of his you have.”

“B-but what if he wants to be my friend again?” you ask meekly, and she looks down at your hopeful face, sighing.

“Then he can tell you in person, not that he deserves the opportunity.” Ellie tries to calm down, be sympathetic. It was easier at first, but now you’re wearing her down. She doesn’t get why you can’t just get over it, tell your thoughts of him to fuck off. Wade didn’t deserve this mourning, especially not after what he did to you. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, and then we can go to dinner. You can borrow one of my hoodies, if you want.”

You nod, and she gets up, going to her closet and pulling out one of her many dark-colored hoodies. This one is a dark purple, one she doesn’t wear often. She tosses it over her shoulder, popping into the bathroom to grab the pack of makeup wipes.

It’s cold, and the chemicals sting against your sensitive cheeks.

You twitch, and she takes in a sharp breath.

“Sorry,” she quietly says, taking an even more careful approach. She wipes your face, and you have to admit, you do feel refreshed. She takes the purple hoodie from where she threw it over her shoulder, and hands it to you. You pull it over your head, slipping your arms through the sleeves and letting the hood rest on your head. “It looks better on you than it does me.”

You huff out a small laugh at this. “I don’t look good in anything.”

“Calling me ugly?” Ellie asks, snickering. “It’s good to see you smiling.”

You smile a little wider at her compliment. She always makes you feel better.

“Let’s go to dinner,” you tell her, and she nods, taking your hand and leading the way.

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nleeowens · 5 years ago

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Marvel's Endgame Made Me Feel Miserable; And So Has Other Movies

Since Marvel is rereleasing Endgame with new scenes, I decided to post my personal essay on how I felt about the fatphobia and abelism directed to Thor because I have no where else to post it lol

April 26, 2019 was a historical day. And it wasn’t because it was the eve of my birthday, though in my humble opinion it would’ve been a pretty special day on that alone. No, it was historical because it marked the theatrical release of Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame. The finale to the culmination of nearly ten years of twenty-two superhero blockbusters. At the time of writing this, it is less than 75 million dollars away from toppling Avatar as the highest grossing movie of all time. (Avatar you know the movie with the blue people that everyone watched but no one remembers.)

I basically grew up with these movies. Celebrated the end of my middle school years with the first Iron Man, the end of high school with Marvel’s Avengers, and the true start of adulthood after my college graduation with Black Panther. So you can imagine that I was pretty excited for this movie, right? Wrong. By the time it's preceding movie, Avengers: Infinity War, came out last year I was already experiencing franchise fatigue.

For those who do not know, franchise fatigue is the phenomenon where there are too many movies being released that ties itself to an already established franchise so the audience stops caring. Think of how the Transformers movie series began to decline following the conclusion of the main trilogy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Marvel starts to face similar issues now that Endgame has come and gone.

By the summer of 2018, I’ve already made peace with the fact that Black Panther would be the last Marvel series I’d feel any sort of attachment to. I didn’t even bother to watch Infinity War, and I never will. I wasn’t planning on watching Endgame either. Then my mom called me saying that she is coming down with my step dad and baby brother to visit my sister and I to celebrate me and my sibling’s birthday. (Yes, we are all born in April, my mom is apparently really good at planning.)

Building up to that weekend, I read up on the events of Infinity War so I won’t be entirely lose and tried my best (and ultimately failed) to not be too bitter about Marvel therefore ruining the experience for everyone else. That Saturday I walked into the movie theater expecting little. But when I walked out to the usual mid-afternoon Florida rain, I felt more than the disappointment and annoyance that I was expecting. I felt miserable.

This is not an essay about how, despite being three hours long Endgame felt like a lazy, rushed cash grab. Or about how they fridged Natasha for the pain of her male teammates, and then tried to pull a “Yay! Girl Power!” in a throwaway two minute scene. I will not go on about how it’s first LGBT+ representation in MCU was a nameless random character played by one of the directors, yet still managed to push how the only path to happiness is by living a traditional heteronmorative lifestyle. Or even how Endgame made it blatantly obvious how white, straight, and male the MCU was in the past and still mostly is. No, I am writing this essay to talk about the Asgardian god of thunder, Thor.

There is a five year timeskip, we see how the remaining Avengers are coping with the aftermath of the snap. Then Ant-Man reappears with a plan so they go about reforming the Avengers. Professor Hulk, now an uncanny combination of Hulk and Bruce Banner, and Rocket Racoon go to New Asgard, a small fishing town where the surviving Asgardians live, to recruit Thor who has … changed drastically.

In the span of his movie trilogy and Infinity War, has lost just about everything. His mom in Thor: The Dark World. His father, home, friends, an eye, Mijolnr, and a large majority of his people in Thor: Ragnarok. Then in Infinity War, another lifelong friend, Heimdall, and his last family member, Loki. (Though it looks like 2012 Loki managed to worm his way out of trouble.) I would argue that Thor is one of the characters that has lost the most, so him decapitating Thanos isn’t that surprising in retrospect. Even though it would've been more satisfying for Nebula to deliver the final blow.

It also shouldn’t be surprising that these events hit Thor hard. Thor has secluded himself in a bachelor pad with his alien friends, and grown out his hair and beard. In the past five years, he has seemingly done nothing but drink beer, eat junk food, and play Fortnite. Bluntly put, Thor’s fat. At the mention of Thanos, Thor becomes irritable and upset, and was reluctant to get back to avenging. Decreased energy, weight gain, loss of interest, irritability, and feelings of guilt are all clear signs of depression and anxiety.

But instead of showing any sort of empathy for what Thor has been through the movie treats his weight and mental health like a joke. When Thor first shows up after the time skip, the camera seems to focus on Thor’s stomach, abs now long gone. All of the other characters are shocked, even seeming a bit turned off, by Thor’s weight gain. Snarky characters like Tony Stark and Rocket Racoon were quick to make jokes at Thor’s expense. Even the emotional scene, where Thor has one final moment with his mother and realizes that even after everything he is still worthy, was ruined at the last moment by his mom telling him to eat more salads.

It wasn’t just the writers that are laughing at Thor’s weight, it was also the audience. There was a loud collective “eww...” from the audience whenever the camera focused on Thor’s gut. When Thor donned his classic armor before the big three faced 2012 Thanos, my mom shouted to the screen, “Is he going to lose some weight?”

Throughout all of those scenes I wanted to slide down the tattered theater seats to the perpetually sticky floor, because it might as well have been my shirtless body on the screen. My stomach rolls the audience was laughing at. My own weight my mom was criticizing. My mental health that was treated like a joke.

My weight has been something I’ve been self-conscious of for as long as I can remember. When I was in K-12, I hated shopping for school clothes with my mom because I knew nothing would fit me. I hate going to see friends and family I haven’t seen in a while because I’m worried they would make some sly comment about my weight. Going out in public is even miserable because I’m so paranoid people are judging me.

Simply making the efforts to lose weight will not get rid of these feelings, because mental health is a factor. And my history of depression and anxiety goes as far back as my issues with my weight. The first time I felt so incredibly hopeless to the point where I was having regular suicidal thoughts I was only about ten years old. There have been weeks where I’ve barely had enough energy to get out of my bed. I easily lose my appetite and go days without and go days barely eating anything, and when I do manage to eat I usually puke it out immediately. During those times I lose way too much weight way too quickly and when I finally get my appetite back I can do nothing but eat, gaining all that weight back plus some.

So seeing Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame where a character who is now fat and struggling with their mental health being ridiculed made me feel singled out and miserable. It would be unfair to pick on just Endgame when many movies have done the same thing. Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse is one of my favorite movies from 2018 (and rightfully won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature). The animation was innovative and spectacular. The message of overcoming fear and that anyone can be a hero was inspiring. But it also took some comedic shoots at an older Peter Parker’s weight that he gained after a failing marriage and losing his aunt.

Why is it, in nearly all movies, that just because a character is not the “ideal” weight it grants the writers and the audience the OK to mock them? Why is it that it’s fine to portray the trauma that a character has gone through as a joke? Because it’s not funny. These are serious issues that I deal with it, as do many other movie goers. And I don’t want to sit through a movie where I feel as if my experience is being laughed at. Yes, these characters are fat, yes, they are depressed and there should be no shame in that. But don’t these characters still deserve respect and compassion over cheap jokes? Don’t we all deserve that?

#marvel #avengers endgame #personal essays #my writing #fatphobia #depression #mental health #thor #my personal essay

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picture-my-lifee · 6 years ago

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👋We’re alive, and well! I’m here with a Long update.

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been on here, I’m not even sure where to begin. I wish I could give you guys a good excuse as to why I haven’t blogged in almost a year but honestly, I don’t have one. I deleted most of my social media accounts a few months back, including my youtube, I think it all became a little too much to keep up. I originally planned to only take a few months off but then life got busy, really busy. Having five children isn’t easy lol, I’m tired most of the time and honestly keeping up with my youtube channel and this blog was the last thing on my mind. Then out of nowhere over this past weekend, I got a sudden burst of motivation, it could be the new camera Malik surprised me with lol but, I’m back, at least for now. I wish I could come back with some huge news but not much has changed, we’re still living in the same house, I’ll give you guys an update of the house tour once our new renovations are done. The last year hasn’t been all peaches and cream but we’re all alive and healthy so there isn’t much to complain about.

So over the weekend, I decided to test out my new camera, and it’s amazing. My mother has a beautiful lemon tree in her backyard and I’m always looking for excuses to pick some so I decided to bake my favorite cake, I’ll have the recipe up on my new youtube channel soon. It’s not too cold here yet so we spent most of the day outside in our backyard, I took the time to get a few shots, I’ll share them below.

I’ve always wanted a garden shed, even though I kind of half-step when it comes to gardening lol, I still think they’re really cute so over the summer I begged Malik to set one up, it’s so cute. I’m hoping it will inspire me to be more consistent with my gardening.

I also took some shots of all of the kiddos so you guys can see how big they’ve gotten.

Nyla, my first baby girl. She and her brother will be 9 in less than 2 weeks, NINE. I’m trying not to think about it too much because it makes me emotional. She’s in the 4th grade now, lately, she’s been into swimming, dancing, fortnite and of course youtube. She is extremely helpful when it comes to her younger siblings and is honestly one of the sweetest kids you will ever meet.

Rian, my quiet child. Shy and reserved like his father, I can’t believe he’ll be 9 soon, he’s still so small lol. He’s heavy into basketball, space( dying to go to space camp) of course fortnite and just about every video game. Super helpful and kind, just like his sister and he reminds me so much of his father.

Zyire, my messy wild child. This is the kid you HAVE to watch lol he will try any and everything. He’ll be 6 in February, its crazy. He loves exploring, learning new things, he will “why” you to death about everything. He’s still into dinosaurs, loves sports, video games, and he’s really into school, he’s the only one I don’t have to force out of bed in the morning. He’s very outgoing and kind.

Leilani, My funny girly girl. She turned four last month, we celebrated by taking her to Disneyland, she loved it. This is daddies little girl, can’t tell her anything about him. She’s a self-proclaimed princess lol, really big on playing dress up, running her pretend restaurant and watching youtube. She started pre-K this year and seems to enjoy it. She’s bossy but she’s a sweetheart.

And last but not least the baby of the crew, baby Jojo. Josiah is my little shadow, never lets me out of his sight for too long. He’s turning two in December, I’m not too sure what we’re going to do, I’m not even mentally prepared to deal. We’re currently working on potty training, he’s almost there. He’s super active, loves to talk, eat and get into just about everything. He’s super sweet and affectionate.

So that’s about it, sorry for the long post but I did miss you guys! I’ll be back soon enough with more updates.

#Sims 3 mumblr #sims 3 rp #sincerelyasimmer #The Anthonys

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fussysim · 6 years ago

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simself tag

i was tagged by @petitesimss & @peakanss 🍒

i tag @peachy-flesh, @toxicen, @pixeltownies, @penelope-and-wonders, @vvladislaus but if anyone wants to do this go ahead!!!

traits: goofball, lazy, hot-headed

aspiration: bestselling author (hiiiiiii)

1. What is your full name? antonina joanna

2.What is your nickname? tosia

3. Birthday? april 7

4. What is your favorite book series? harry potter ofccccc

5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? YES STRONGLY

6. Who is your favorite author? jakub żulczyk (a great polish author!!)

7. What is your favorite radio station? none

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? i always go for cherry but lime is great too

9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? zajebiste!!

10. What is your current favorite song? mac miller - whats the use? orrr a$ap rocky - sundress

11. What is your favorite word? biiitch

12. What is the last song you listened to? the internet - stay the night

13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? rupaul’s drag race always!!!!! and maybe the haunting of hill house

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? shrek, mean girls and any marvel movie

15. Do you play video games? well...............not really tbh

16. What is your biggest fear? my parents finding out about me dropping out of school

17. What is your best quality in your opinion? i’m a good listener (at least that’s what i’ve heard)

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? my appearance lol and laziness

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i have three cats and one dog so:))

20. What is your favorite season? spring

21. Are you in a relationship? yes!!!!!

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? living with my parents duhhhh and being carefree

23. Who is your best friend? my bf or my mom lol

24. What is your eye color? green

25. What is your hair color? blonde

26. Who is someone you love? my mom dad bf and dog

27. Who is someone you trust? NO ONE

28. Who is someone you think about Often? my dog fiona

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? rpdr all stars 4

30. What is your biggest obsession? drag queens. and my dog fiona

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? well my fav was the cramp twins and of course hannah montana??

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? my bf

33. Are you superstitious? 50/50

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? wet food in the sink

35. Do you perfer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it for suuuureee

36. What is your favorite hobby? writing. i mean, i used to write a lot

37. What is the last book you read? first snow by jo nesbø

38. What is the last movie you watched? 14 cameras (boring, dumb and disgusting)

39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? i tried playing guitar but i was lazy

40. What is your favorite animal? my dog fiona!!!

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i’m shy yall i can’t just expose myself like this

42. What superpower do you wish you had? i just wish i wasn’t this dumb lol

43. When and where do you feel most at piece? my hometown

44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, my dad’s calls, my mom sending me pics of my dog, food, memes

45. What sports do you play, if any? none lol

46. What is your favorite drink? red fruits tea

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? like a year ago?? for my boyfriend when i wasn’t in the mood for talking

48: Are you afraid of heights? well i’d like to say no but i’m a chicken

49: What is your biggest pet peeve: biting nails lol i hate it, emma chamberlain’s videos (i don’t think she’s funny at all lol she’s just regular bitchy high schooler)

50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah

51. Are you vagan/ vegetarian? NO but i’m gathering informations how and when to start

52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? a princess tbh but i wanted to be a vet too

53: What fictional world would you like to live in? greendale lol

54. What is something you worry about? that my parents will hate me lol

55. Are you scared of the dark? YEP i’m the meme where the person has to check if the chair is the demon

56. Do you like to sing? nah

57. Have you ever skipped school? i used to all the time

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? my home!!!!!! with my pets, boyfriend and family

59. Where would you like to live? the netherlands for sure

60. Do you have any pets? 3 cats 1 dog

61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl for

62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset

63. Do you know how to drive? yes but i dont have driving license:/

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? no but i will soon

66: What is your favorite genre of music? i like 2000′s music lol, r&b, recent polish rap music and pop

67: Who is your hero? my dad

68: Do you read comic books? if i had some i would

69: What makes you most angry? stupid people and me myself and i

70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? real book my eyes can’t take electronic devices

71. What is your favorite subject in school? english, polish and histor

72. Do you have any siblings? yep i have older brother and sister

73. What was the last thing you bought? groceries

74. How tall are you? 158cm

75. Can you cook? yeah the only thing i’m good at tbh

76. What are three things that you love? my boyfriend, my pets, my family

77. What are three things you hate? fortnite, expired lush products, my friend’s boyfriends

78. Do you have more male or female friends? equally

79. What is your sexual orientation? i’m in love with person not a gender

80. Where do you currently live? poland!=

81. Who was the last person you texted? my mom

82. When was the last time you cried? 20 minutes ago BUT FROM LAUGHING OK

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? of course its shane dawson lol and elle mills and a few polish simmers

84. Do you like to take selfies? yes i am very insecure but also very vain

85. What is your favorite app? stardew valley on mobile??

86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)? i used to hate them but now?? we’re best friends

87. What is your favorite foreign accent: i don’t have one:(

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? nyc

89. What is your favorite number? 7

90. Can you juggle? no

91. Are you religious? i don’t know anymore

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no!!!!

94. Are you allergic to anything? grass??

95. Can you curl your tounge? yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? no

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? when i’m in trouble only

98. Do you perfer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? you will always grow back which means that no matter what you can always bounce back

100. Are you a good liar? yes, indeed

101. What is your Hogwarts house? HUFFLEPUFF!!

102. Do you talk to yourself? when i fck something up

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but i don’t write in it anymore, i just keep things in it

105. Do you believe in second chances? yes i believe in 52543 chances bc i’m weak

106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? uuhhhh idk

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help

108. Are you ticklish? yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? no:( i’m scared

110. Do you have any piercings? i used to have my nose pierced

111. What fictional character do you wish were real?

112. Do you have any tattoos? i have lil tattoo on my middle finger i did myself like 5 years ago

113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? get a dog with my sister without my parents knowledge

114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure

115. Do you waer glasses or contacts? glasses

116. Do you want children? uh tbh i’m jaded, i would rather adopt

117. Who is the smartest person you know? my dad

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? lying to my teacher and getting caught

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? yep i used to do this a lot but then i moved in with my boyfriend:(

120. What color are most of your clothes? black and pastel

121. Do you like adventure? YES

122. Have you ever been on TV? i don’t think so

123. How old are you? 20yo!!

124. What is your favorite quote? you will always grow back??

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)

#simself tag

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uclaradio · 7 years ago

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Interview with City Girl

Interviewed by Jennifer Liaw

album art for Time Falls Like Moonlight, by vickisigh

City Girl is a rising LA-based lo-fi/chillhop producer that incorporates a lot of soft piano and guitar intertwined with electronic beats and vocals. Starting out on Bandcamp and Soundcloud only 10 months ago, they now have three albums out on Spotify, the latest being Time Falls Like Moonlight, released in April.

Tell us a bit about yourself. Where did you grow up? What was growing up in that city like?

I grew up in California close to LA. To be honest once I found music I never really went outside. Before that I was just playing video games and watching cartoons. I guess the internet was more of where I grew up, as opposed to any geographical place.

What music did you listen to a lot growing up? What were your favorite artists back in like middle school, for example?

In middle school it was John Frusciante, all day everyday. Something about his guitar playing really inspired me. It was soulful and beautiful and just felt perfect, like every note was exactly where it should be. In high school my music taste exploded, but John Frusciante was the majority of the first music I learned and played.

Tell us a little about how City Girl first got started.

I uploaded on the train somewhere between my apartment and you 10 months ago on Soundcloud and just emailed a bunch of Youtube channels that were taking submissions. Aurarian music accepted that first release and put it out on Youtube and got the ball rolling so City Girl could get some attention back when it was only 10-20 followers.

How did you come up with the name City Girl?

To be honest, its in honor of “City Girl” by Kevin Shields from the Lost In Translation soundtrack. I’m a huge My Bloody Valentine fan and that song of his is just so amazing.

When did you first start making music? How did you get into it, and how did you first learn how to produce a beat?

I got into guitar playing when I was 12 or so. I just played because my older brother had a guitar. I took it and just Googled how to play guitar and taught myself songs and chords. It was the most fun I’d ever had. It felt so special. I didn’t start producing for like another seven years though. I would just record onto a Tascam tape recorder and jam with friends in garages. I had friends who made lofi beats waay back when it was like CULP and Simo and Onra and john wayne and stuff, but I never got into it, I was more focused on improvising and expanding my musical repertoire in a more performance-focused way.

Are there any instruments that you would like to try out incorporating into your music that you haven't tried yet?

I want live drums but I live in an apartment. If I could record drums that would be so cool, since I play drums too and I miss it badly.

Where do you usually record your music? Describe your studio space to us.

It’s about five feet no joke from my bed haha. It’s a desk and a midi keyboard and some guitars and other little instruments like the melodica. I have speakers and an old mic. It’s super cozy, my bedroom at my apartment is just covered with vickisigh’s art, like everywhere you look it’s just cute sexy ladies in pastel colors, I love it.

vickisigh’s (Vicki Tsai) artwork, from her instagram

How would you describe the lo-fi/chillhop genre and subculture to someone who’s never been exposed to it?

It’s just a bunch of people who love making music on their computers, and to be honest only one percent is unique and actually worth your time, but the same goes for all genres, 99 percent of it is just not that good. I would be more specific but at this point lofi stands for so so much that you can’t really go much further than that.

What do you think of the lo-fi hip hop/chillhop genre in general? It's really popular right now what with the YouTube 24hr lo-fi hip hop studying beats stream and the Spotify lo-fi hip hop studying beats playlists as well... There's literally probably thousands of really similar chillhop producers on SoundCloud... does that ever make you feel swallowed up, in a sense? Or does it feel more like a really large community? How do you try to stand out as an artist among all these other producers?

It’s a tough question to answer, because you can go from quickly, quickly to in love with a ghost and still call it lofi if you want to. These artists share playlists together and Youtube mixes. Who’s to say quickly, quickly isn’t just jazz? Who’s to say in love with a ghost isn’t just electronic music? It’s not so much a genre as it is a movement of instrumental music becoming the focus itself rather than the singer/rapper. Staying unique seems simple to me as I grew up playing and learning music by ear, so I just follow my interests/inspiration and play whatever seems cool.

Which artists would you say are your biggest inspirations or that you're just blown away by and really admire within your genre? How about outside of your genre?

Well in love with a ghost stands out, like most peeps I found them on Youtube. All the tracks from Let’s Go and Healing by them are amazing. Just super cool textures and melodies, really lovely and creative music. Kupla is amazing too, he’s an amazing piano player, all of his music is great. Outside of my genre I’d say Sheena Ringo, especially her album Kalk Samen Kuri no Hana - it’s pretty much game over, this album does everything better in every regard imaginable than any other music I’ve heard. Don’t know if you can get access to it in US tho, the copyright lawyers are hard at work on this one.

What artist outside of the lo-fi hip hop genre would you really really love to collaborate with? Can you describe the kind of track you'd want to make with them?

With anyone, well shit Beyoncé right? I mean she’s the best vocalist alive next to Frank Ocean. I would just want to make something really beautiful, some In Rainbows type stuff.

Being an artist based out of Bandcamp/Soundcloud in this day means a lot of your career is kind of born out of the internet. What are your favorite and least favorite parts about the internet and spending so much time on the internet/interacting with people on the internet/sharing yourself through the internet?

I love the internet because I can share whatever I want when I want. I don’t feel a lot of pressure because I don’t have any personal accounts on social media and never have, I always just read a lot of books and listened to records and stuff. I’m sure some people think it’s mysterious or whatever that I never cared for social media, instead opting to just read Sartre or watch old movies, but nowadays all I do is make music and play Skyrim so it’s all good. The internet gives me access to all that goodness so I can find it offline.

What are your top five favorite artists right now?

Tom Misch, Swell, quickly quickly, in love with a ghost, and Sam Gellaitry

What are your top five favorite female artists?

Sheena Ringo, Beyoncé, Aivi Tran, MISO (from club eskimo - a collective including Crush, Dean, offonoff, 2xxx!, millic, and more), and tiffi.

Do you have a favorite spot in LA that you wouldn't want to share with anyone else?

Wherever YAYAYI and JALENTUNA happen to be any given saturday night in k-town is a pretty special vibe that honestly can’t be shared even if I wanted it to be. God there was this $5 flat pho place on Western Ave. that was run by this old couple but it closed like 5 years ago, that was the best place ever and it straight up was ALWAYS empty, no one ate there. I think it was like Pho 36 haha one of those LA pho places that has a random number after it.

What are some things that you really enjoy doing for yourself? When you need to take a day for yourself, what are things that you'll usually do?

Skyrim is a go-to. It’s usually video games but a lot of times it’s just making music. You gotta understand music is like an addiction to me. I never stop thinking about sounds and I feel uneasy not making music.

So we know you like video games… what are some of your favorite video games of all time? Do you have any funny anecdotes from playing games online with strangers?

Favorite of all time is Psychonauts. Such a creative game and Scott Campbell’s art is the absolute bee’s knees. Right now my favorite is Skyrim as mentioned. I love RPG and adventure games, the immersion gets me good. I loved games growing up, played anything. I have a lot of anecdotes about gaming but I honestly can’t think of just one. Haha well when Xbox Live came out online gaming was brand new and I remember my dad getting on the headset asking people not to cuss (since I was just a kid) and THEY STOPPED. They were like “Oh sorry dude we didn’t know there were kids playing we will keep the cursing to a minimum.” Can you imagine that nowadays? It would never happen. That shit still blows my mind.

Do you play Fortnite? If so, what are your thoughts on it?

I played Fortnite with Chance, thrash, and Maru the other night and I hate it so much lol. The vibe is so terrible, the aesthetic makes me want to barf it’s so ugly. That was the only time I’ve really played it and it hasn’t been on my mind, the itch isn’t there so I guess no hype for me.

What are your favorite K-Pop bands or members?

SNSD was the OG. That old video of Sooyoung going “OP-EHHHH! OP-EH EH EH EH EH” lol that shit is so funny. I don’t follow it much anymore but MISO is the queen right now, she’s the best. I watched all of Jessica and Krystal when it came out too, that’s good stuff.

Ok I also saw on Twitter that you have a cat... tell us about your cat!

Ah yes, Seymour, the Russian Blue. He is a very handsome and beautiful man. He is a shadow in the night. Every part of him is gray except his lil tongue which is pink and his eyes which are green. He lives at my parents house so I don’t see him except at holidays, but he is my good soft boy. I think of him very often.

art from Snow Rose, by vickisigh

What would you say is your favorite track that you've produced?

“Anything Like Her” with tiffi is prob my fav. Tiffi is so cool and that song is really different sounding from other City Girl songs so I think it’s cool.

What is your favorite track off of Time Falls Like Moonlight?

“Sunset Lullaby” is probably my favorite. The second half with the acoustic and electric guitar just feels really special.

What was your inspiration for Time Falls Like Moonlight?

I make so much music, the inspiration doesn’t really ever make sense, I am inspired by everything in each moment, I am inspired by my own passion to make music. Not understanding what is going on is really important to how I work, it makes things exciting. I just want the music to make people feel loved and understood for who they are, that there is a purpose for them, a life they can live and be loved in.

When you make songs, are they ever about specific things, people, or events in your life?

Not really, it’s just all my emotions sort of bleeding into the computer. I don’t know if I could write about any particular thing, but I do enjoy imagining lots of people and situations to my music after I made it. Like oh this sounds like Moonlight Hill (from Kingdom Hearts) or this sounds like a tender look from someone or this sounds like a lonely plaza in the middle of some city. It’s all free and open to interpretation.

“Winter Fields” is one of my favorite tracks of yours... mostly because of the lovely violin part by mklachu. It's so dreamy and kind of reminds me of some of my favorite Ryuichi Sakamoto pieces, too. Can you tell us a little about this track?

It’s random but the track started as a like, flex? I was watching Joji’s Youtube aliases and god they are just awful I mean like him fucking with people and being super lewd and nasty I hate it but I was watching it anyway to like fry my brain and I thought it would be fun to make a nasty trap beat that would fit with his videos and I made “Winter Fields” (I know it doesn’t make sense at all). The song slowly got more romantic as I added piano layers the next day and then mklachu tweeted at me out of nowhere and I asked her to play over it and yeah it’s just what happens when you work on music all the time, everything going on makes it into the song.

Another one of my favorites is “Chateau Fountain.” I love the slow buildup, and then the talking portion that kind of just emerges and goes into like an acoustic drop... ahhhh.. I was wondering where that talking portion is from actually. The guy is like, "Take the flowers," and the girl is like "I’m all right!" and it sounds like an uncomfortable struggle...a common pattern in society where... men force women to do things regardless of their autonomy or feelings (ha ha). Does it have any significance to the meaning behind the track? What were your reasons for choosing to put that particular snippet in this track? It's interesting because for me, I think I'm more sensitive than the average person to these kind of power dynamics or like...oppression against women in all aspects of daily interactions or media that I consume, so when I listen to this track it's like a soft buildup to this point of conflict that is kind of grating, but then evolves back into a calming acoustic melody. That's personal, of course, but it's interesting.

DUDE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ATONEMENT? Omg that movie is so incredible. It’s James McAvoy talking to Kiera Knightley and they have all this tension because they love each other but they can’t be together and ooooooooooooooooooh it’s so good. Their love is so beautiful and honest but it’s injected with all this tension and conflict from society and politics. I felt that snippet fit so perfectly into the emotions of the song, it’s one of the few few times I’ve used movie snippets because I felt it actually added to the track in a creative way.

How do you think you've evolved from the first songs you put out on Bandcamp/Soundcloud, and your first album Loveless Shadows, to now?

I know a lot more about mixing, especially with bass and drums. I try to make more upbeat stuff now, but honestly I still end up making a lot of downtempo stuff. I know a lot more jazz piano than I did before so that’s nice too.

What are some artists that you think are really underrated that you'd like to give a shoutout to and encourage people to check out?

frenesi is criminally underrated.

What are your goals for City Girl for the next few years?

Just put out an incredible amount of music and keep building the world of City Girl. I want people to feel relaxed and loved and understood when they listen to City Girl. Honestly I just want to expand the harmonic and melodic depth of City Girl, I want people to head bump and cry in the same track, I want to find that fusion of beautiful and funky that all great music has for me.

I know you just released an album, but besides that, do you have any upcoming events or projects your fans should be looking forward to?

I have another album finished already, but with the way vickisigh (I won’t put out something without her art on it) works it won’t be out until probably another two-three months. So by the time that comes out I’ll have another album done and so on the process repeats. So just look forward to a new album every two-three months for as long as I’m rockin in the free world.

art from Loveless Shadows, by vickisigh

Check out City Girl’s latest album, Time Falls Like Moonlight, out on Spotify, Soundcloud, and Bandcamp! They also have two other albums, Snow Rose from December, and Loveless Shadows from August that are equally as beautiful. Follow them on Soundcloud for all their music updates and on Twitter for all their promo updates!

#vickisigh #city girl #time falls like moonlight #city girl interview #loveless shadows #snow rose #ucla radio #uclaradio.com #ucla #college radio #ArtistInterview

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